Never Enough

What in the world has happened to our society? There was a time (and it wasn't so long ago) when people worked hard, took care of their families, helped their neighbors and friends, and just generally led honest, faithful, quality lives. People spent quality time with their friends - they went "visiting" on the weekends. They picked up a telephone and actually called people. They would have been horrified by the way people today so casually treat others, "friending" people they barely know and sharing very intimate details with them and "unfriending" people on a whim.  And don't even get me started on airing your dirty laundry in public, (thank you, Facebook). 

Speaking of Facebook, I've come to the realization that not entirely, but for the most part, it really just brings out the worst in people.  Of course there are those that use it as it was intended, keeping up with family and friends across the miles. I can literally count on one hand (and still have fingers left over) the number of people who are my Facebook "friends" who truly use it to keep in touch with loved ones, posting fun pictures, etc.  Now, it seems to me, Facebook has kind of become a cesspool of self-congratulating, self-consumed status updates, embarrassingly candid information about private lives, and up-to-the-second updates about the most mundane daily experiences.  When did people become so full of themselves to assume that their "friends" really care how much sugar they put in their daily cups of coffee or how long it took them to do the laundry that morning?

I "know" someone on Facebook - an old acquaintance from my school days - whose posts often go something like this...."Wow. Just finished deep cleaning all six bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, living room, family room, dining room, kitchen, and I even cleaned out BOTH refrigerators! Now onto the swimming pool and then I can call it a day!" or "Can barely keep my eyes open. I just finished hand-sewing new Easter dresses for my girls tomorrow!" or even worse was a picture of a bunch of packed-to-the-gills backpacks and suitcases (and by a bunch I mean about 15) with the caption, "All packed and ready to take the whole family to Hawaii for our 9 day trip!"  Of course the posts are then flooded with comments like, "Whoa! You really are Superwoman!" and "Can you be my mom?" or "You are the coolest mom ever!" and "How on earth do you do it all?" She then responds with an "Awww, shucks" type of statement.  Mission accomplished. We get it. It's one thing to be proud of your family and your accomplishments. A simple, "Just made the party favors for my kid's birthday. I'm so excited to share them with our friends and family" would probably elicit the same type of responses, so why the need to go into such detail? It's just so over-the-top boasting and fishing for compliments.  You know what I find most sad about this? Here is a person with what most of us would consider a charmed life - she has a supportive husband, beautiful, healthy children, a nice home, etc. and all of that isn't enough. She still feels the need to seek the adoration of friends, acquaintances, and near-strangers.

This isn't sour grapes. I know how hard stay-home moms work. I know how it feels to want a little pat on the back now again for all you do. It just seems so sad to be begging for "Atta-boys" from virtual strangers when you have a houseful of loving family and a bounty of real life friends who appreciate all you do for them, (all of which I don't doubt she has). When is it enough? True and heart-felt compliments from your spouse, children, and friends aren't good enough. No, you need the shallow words from distant friends (and the more you have the better) to tell you how SUPER you are.

Unfortunately, it's just a reflection of our society's jacked-up morals. It reminds me of a commercial I saw during the Christmas season this past year. Here is the scenario: a wife & mother wakes up Christmas morning, is led outside by her kids who can barely contain their excitement and her husband, beaming with pride, to the driveway. When she opens her eyes what does she see? A brand new beautiful SUV with a big red bow. Her 1000-watt smile says it all....until another shinier, bigger, and apparently much cooler SUV drives down the street. Her smile fades and the look on her face changes to pure envy - that is until she looks over at her husband - then the look turns to utter disappointment. How horrifying. We were so tired of the commercials that glorified materialism and consumerism that we banned TV in our house during the holidays. We do allow our children to watch television, but outside of a very few select shows, they only watch DVDs we have approved. We've removed all secular decorations, etc. from our holiday celebrations as well, but that's a topic for a future blog.

At any rate, I myself work to be more aware of when I'm not letting it just be enough. I'm trying not to compare my kids with others. I'm trying not to worry about whether or not we have the latest cool thing. I'm working on truly celebrating with others in their joys and mourning with them in their losses (and not the other way around). I'm working on just being happy and counting all the little blessings in my life. I'm even considering completely giving up Facebook because it isn't really adding anything real to my life....if I could just give up Candy Crush it would be so much easier! :)

'H' is for Husbands

This post was written for a good friend's website Modern Catholic Mom. If you haven't checked out her site yet, do it...do it right away (well, after you finish reading this article) - it's a great resource and she's participating in a fun A-Z blogging challenge for the month of April. You can read articles from many contributors on topics ranging from abortion to the Holy Eucharist. Trust me, you'll love the site.

As I sat trying to come up with ideas for this blogging challenge, I brainstormed a list of 'H' words....holidays, heartache, .....and that was about as far as I got. I decided to write about holidays in the Catholic Church but kept drawing a blank. Then, I got into a little argument with my husband and it hit me...'H' is for husbands - what is a husband's role? What does God call him to do?

Lately I have been so saddened reading blogs, Facebook posts, and listening to comments from friends regarding their husbands. I have read or heard things like, "Men are just so dumb," or "Why can't they just get it?" and "I feel like I might as well have an extra kid with the way he acts." Most of the time the comments are totally in jest, and I do have a sense of humor and I get it. But these days men, and more specifically husbands and fathers, are under assault in our society.

I had a non-religious friend tell me, after attending a religious wedding that she couldn't believe in today's world they still expected the wife to 'submit' to her husband. She said, "It just seems so sexist....the husband is in charge and the wife has to just do what he says." Sadly, she missed the point of this beautiful Bible verse. It is mentioned more than once in the Bible that wives are to submit to their husbands. Most people only hear that part, though. They don't know that it goes on to say that husbands should love and protect their wives and should never ask their wives to do anything that would not please God. As my little family has become more devout, I have realized the beauty and comfort I have in allowing my husband to fulfill his role as head of our family. Does that mean I sit back quietly while he makes every decision? Uh...no. If you know me, you know that I am anything but quiet and docile. What it does mean is that I purpose every day to give my husband the respect he deserves and allow him to lead our family - in spiritual matters, in financial matters, and in most other areas of our lives. What does this look like for us? It's pretty simple, actually. He leads the mealtime prayers, and most other prayers, including our family Rosary. I defer to him in all matters financial (not in small part because he is far more careful, knowledgeable and thoughtful in that area). Even though I am a stay-home-mom and do most of the day-to-day "kid" stuff in our house, I confer with him on issues of importance regarding the kids. Sometimes I question whether or not I should bother asking him about a particular issue....maybe it seems sort of insignificant or maybe I already know how I want to approach the situation. When I go ahead and ask his opinion or advice, I see how it allows him to feel the respect I have for him and his insight. In return, he doesn't make unilateral decisions regarding our family - he asks for my input. He "controls" our money, but he checks in with me before making large purchases. In respecting his role as leader of our family, he includes me in the decision making process and most importantly, he always protects me with all his being.

A man's role as Father is also under attack today. Take any children's movie, children's television show, or any adult sitcom on TV today. Typical plot line: Child/teenager just wants to experience life and all it has to offer while dad is just an old stick-in-the-mud, or worse, a bumbling fool/racist/homophobe/sexist, you get the picture. Even many of the Disney movies are laid out this way - think "The Little Mermaid" - Ariel just wants to explore the world but her mean old dad just doesn't get it. He's so stuck in his ways and such a control-freak that he just lashes out at her, destroying any chance she might have to experience life. What??  How about looking at it from a different perspective? How about this....King Triton had plenty of life experience. He understood things about the world and knew of evils that his daughter couldn't even begin to grasp. He wanted to protect her. Now, there might be an argument regarding his methods, but that's for another blog.  As a family, we have narrowly limited what our children are allowed to watch on television or see at the movie theater. I just can't allow my daughters to watch movies/shows where the father is a bumbling fool and the household has no respect for him or for his role as father.  What does that teach them? Adult sitcoms are no better - think "Everybody Loves Raymond" (where the plot of every episode is the same, Raymond's an idiot and Debra's mad at him for it) or "King of Queens" (same thing, Doug is a knuckle-head and Carrie is constantly having to clean up his messes, literally and figuratively). At least with King of Queens the wife character is as much of a shrew as the husband is a dolt.  What happened to The Cosby Show or Family Ties where the parents were respected, and the mom and dad respected each other? If you remember the show "Home Improvement" you'll remember that Tim, the main character, was always destroying things around the house, much to the chagrin of his wife Jill. The difference with this one though is that Tim was endearing, his children respected his advice (on matters not including home improvement) and his wife made mistakes too. They loved each other, respected each other, and always worked it out.  I miss those old shows.

So, long story short....God gave me an amazing husband. He adores his baby girls. He works hard every single day to provide for us and to give me the opportunity to be at home, raising my kids. He spends time nurturing his own faith so he can help his wife and daughters grow in theirs. I am not ashamed to say I "submit" to my husband. I am proud to say that I support him in his journey of being a husband and father modeled after the ultimate husband and father, Joseph.

Hard Choices

So I have officially eaten my last Girl Scout cookie. No, not because I just tore through a box of Do-Si-Dos like I've been known to do. Not even because I made a New Year's resolution to lose a little weight. No, what I mean is I have eaten my last Girl Scout cookie because I will never buy or eat another Girl Scout cookie ever again!  You may be thinking, "What in the world? That's close to blasphemy!" Let me explain.

At the beginnning of the school year I decided to register my 5 year old daughter for Girl Scouts at the Daisy level. I even volunteered to be a troop co-leader. We were so excited. We had visions of marching in parades, earning patches, campouts, and the like dancing in our heads. And we did those things (minus the campouts) and had a great deal of fun. Sophia loves going to the meetings and spending time with her new friends. That was until I got the shock of my life. I was driving in my car listening to ImmaculateHeart radio (Check them out here!) when I heard a mother speaking about her experiences with Girl Scouts. She and her family had been involved with the organization for 4 generations. She became concerned when she heard that the Girl Scouts had connections to Planned Parenthood and other questionable groups.  Needless to say, I was completely dumbfounded. I just couldn't believe it could be true so I decided to do a little research myself.  I sat staring at the computer screen, nearly in tears, letting the information I read digest. What I found, after visiting multiple sites, looking at screen shots of pages from the "Journeys" series, screen shots of the Girl Scouts own webpage, etc. was that there is absolutely a connection between the Girl Scouts of America and Planned Parenthood and the Sierra Club. I also discovered that by registering for Girl Scouts and paying our dues, both my daughter and I contributed to the World Association of Girl Guides (WAGGS), a pro-abortion organization. I saw connections between the Girl Scouts and Amnesty International, a group that has openly mocked the Catholic church.  I was appalled to see that women like Margaret Sanger, Dolores Huerta, Billie Jean King, and Gloria Steinhem were held up as "Women of Inspiration".  Imagine my horror when I saw a link to Jezebel.com - a page recommended on the Girl Scouts webpage, where girls can read a blog entitled "OMFG There's a New Girl Scout Cookie" and even have fun completing "abortion mad-libs". Sadly, the list goes on.
Click here to begin your own research and find more information here.

After I was able to catch my breath, I had a discussion with my husband. I knew what he was going to say and I knew what we had to do. The only question I had was, how are we going to break this to Sophia? We decided to keep our explanation as benign as possible. We didn't want to explain what Planned Parenthood does or what an abortion is to our 5-year-old. We simply told her that the Girl Scouts organization is not compatible with our Catholic values. We explained that the organization has connections with groups that are working to tear down our beliefs and we cannot be a part of it any longer. We are so proud of how she responded. While she was sad that she would no longer get to see the other girls at the meetings, she understood the importance of standing up for what is right. She is a very faithful little girl and she said she wants to stand with Jesus, even if that means giving up her Girl Scout meetings.  What a lesson we can take from her.

So what did I learn from this experience? Most importantly I learned to always research a group thoroughly before we attach ourselves to it. I never again want to have to apologize to my daughter for aligning our family with a group that is so fundamentally opposed to our values. I also learned that even organizations like the Girl Scouts, a seemingly wholesome, faith-based group can be penetrated by ugly, sinister and indeed evil groups. 

So from now on I'll have to walk right by those sweet little faces selling cookies outside the grocery stores.  Will it be hard to pass up those tasty cookies? Not anymore.