'H' is for Husbands

This post was written for a good friend's website Modern Catholic Mom. If you haven't checked out her site yet, do it...do it right away (well, after you finish reading this article) - it's a great resource and she's participating in a fun A-Z blogging challenge for the month of April. You can read articles from many contributors on topics ranging from abortion to the Holy Eucharist. Trust me, you'll love the site.

As I sat trying to come up with ideas for this blogging challenge, I brainstormed a list of 'H' words....holidays, heartache, .....and that was about as far as I got. I decided to write about holidays in the Catholic Church but kept drawing a blank. Then, I got into a little argument with my husband and it hit me...'H' is for husbands - what is a husband's role? What does God call him to do?

Lately I have been so saddened reading blogs, Facebook posts, and listening to comments from friends regarding their husbands. I have read or heard things like, "Men are just so dumb," or "Why can't they just get it?" and "I feel like I might as well have an extra kid with the way he acts." Most of the time the comments are totally in jest, and I do have a sense of humor and I get it. But these days men, and more specifically husbands and fathers, are under assault in our society.

I had a non-religious friend tell me, after attending a religious wedding that she couldn't believe in today's world they still expected the wife to 'submit' to her husband. She said, "It just seems so sexist....the husband is in charge and the wife has to just do what he says." Sadly, she missed the point of this beautiful Bible verse. It is mentioned more than once in the Bible that wives are to submit to their husbands. Most people only hear that part, though. They don't know that it goes on to say that husbands should love and protect their wives and should never ask their wives to do anything that would not please God. As my little family has become more devout, I have realized the beauty and comfort I have in allowing my husband to fulfill his role as head of our family. Does that mean I sit back quietly while he makes every decision? Uh...no. If you know me, you know that I am anything but quiet and docile. What it does mean is that I purpose every day to give my husband the respect he deserves and allow him to lead our family - in spiritual matters, in financial matters, and in most other areas of our lives. What does this look like for us? It's pretty simple, actually. He leads the mealtime prayers, and most other prayers, including our family Rosary. I defer to him in all matters financial (not in small part because he is far more careful, knowledgeable and thoughtful in that area). Even though I am a stay-home-mom and do most of the day-to-day "kid" stuff in our house, I confer with him on issues of importance regarding the kids. Sometimes I question whether or not I should bother asking him about a particular issue....maybe it seems sort of insignificant or maybe I already know how I want to approach the situation. When I go ahead and ask his opinion or advice, I see how it allows him to feel the respect I have for him and his insight. In return, he doesn't make unilateral decisions regarding our family - he asks for my input. He "controls" our money, but he checks in with me before making large purchases. In respecting his role as leader of our family, he includes me in the decision making process and most importantly, he always protects me with all his being.

A man's role as Father is also under attack today. Take any children's movie, children's television show, or any adult sitcom on TV today. Typical plot line: Child/teenager just wants to experience life and all it has to offer while dad is just an old stick-in-the-mud, or worse, a bumbling fool/racist/homophobe/sexist, you get the picture. Even many of the Disney movies are laid out this way - think "The Little Mermaid" - Ariel just wants to explore the world but her mean old dad just doesn't get it. He's so stuck in his ways and such a control-freak that he just lashes out at her, destroying any chance she might have to experience life. What??  How about looking at it from a different perspective? How about this....King Triton had plenty of life experience. He understood things about the world and knew of evils that his daughter couldn't even begin to grasp. He wanted to protect her. Now, there might be an argument regarding his methods, but that's for another blog.  As a family, we have narrowly limited what our children are allowed to watch on television or see at the movie theater. I just can't allow my daughters to watch movies/shows where the father is a bumbling fool and the household has no respect for him or for his role as father.  What does that teach them? Adult sitcoms are no better - think "Everybody Loves Raymond" (where the plot of every episode is the same, Raymond's an idiot and Debra's mad at him for it) or "King of Queens" (same thing, Doug is a knuckle-head and Carrie is constantly having to clean up his messes, literally and figuratively). At least with King of Queens the wife character is as much of a shrew as the husband is a dolt.  What happened to The Cosby Show or Family Ties where the parents were respected, and the mom and dad respected each other? If you remember the show "Home Improvement" you'll remember that Tim, the main character, was always destroying things around the house, much to the chagrin of his wife Jill. The difference with this one though is that Tim was endearing, his children respected his advice (on matters not including home improvement) and his wife made mistakes too. They loved each other, respected each other, and always worked it out.  I miss those old shows.

So, long story short....God gave me an amazing husband. He adores his baby girls. He works hard every single day to provide for us and to give me the opportunity to be at home, raising my kids. He spends time nurturing his own faith so he can help his wife and daughters grow in theirs. I am not ashamed to say I "submit" to my husband. I am proud to say that I support him in his journey of being a husband and father modeled after the ultimate husband and father, Joseph.